Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
is wine microwaveable?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
