The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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