You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
