just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
