My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How external is "for external use only"?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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