Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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