I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
