mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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