Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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