Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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