My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
