I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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