He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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