Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
