Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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