how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
