By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
