hotel room ftw
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
