I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
