she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
