I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
