and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
