I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
