Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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