Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
