someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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