I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
