garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
