just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They took my balls.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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