CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
