So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
