So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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