Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
