Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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