you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
