I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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