it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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