And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
