i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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