my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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