Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
