If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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