How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
