At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize