never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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