I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
