I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
