i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
