he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
