So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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