talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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