Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He felt like a one man threesome
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
