This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
