I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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