I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
