I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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