He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
