i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
