Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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