The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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