I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
