And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
