At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
