That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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