She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
