It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
