He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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