i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
