tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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