i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
